March started off with so much drive, passion and hope. I had a purpose. Now I feel unmotivated and directionless.
Lafayette Elementary,
the school where I have taught for 5 years, will be closed as of June
2013. I have worked and struggled to
help create a music program at this school and it is sad to see it disappear at
the whim of a corrupt politician.
The loss of this school brings many concerns to my
mind:
1)
My dear
students will no longer receive a music education and are now forced to walk to
a school outside of their neighborhood where they will be subject to gang
violence, racism, and crowded classrooms
2)
A third
of my income will disappear
3)
What will I do next?
I thrive on motivation, projects, and direction. I have the projects, but am currently lacking
the motivation and direction. I am
distraught over losing something that I never originally wanted, yet grew to
love deeply and passionately.
Every night I think about what I can do to better myself - study Spanish, record the Suites, read philosophy, work on my music accessory business, but I can’t seem to focus because I am so preoccupied with “What will I do next?”
Every night I think about what I can do to better myself - study Spanish, record the Suites, read philosophy, work on my music accessory business, but I can’t seem to focus because I am so preoccupied with “What will I do next?”
Thankfully, Bach is still on my mind 24/7. I am currently reading:
Baroque Music: Style and Performance
Bach Interpretation: Articulation Marks in Primary Sources
Dance and Music of J.S. Bach
I recorded all the movements to the first Suite, but my
computer crashed while attempting to convert the video files. I’m grateful for this in a masochistic sort
of way because those recordings were not as good as I can do now. I realize that none of my recordings will
ever completely fulfill my expectations -
there is a reason that even Yo Yo Ma has made several recordings of the
Suites.
I am currently toying
with ornamentation. Once you start
adding it, it is hard to control one’s self.
I find difficulty when playing from memory to use no ornamentation on
the first repeat yet add it on the second - gosh darn it, I love me some trills and appoggiatura!
I have been obsessed with performance practice for the past
few months, but an experience yesterday brought everything into
perspective.
My sweet boyfriend bought me a new set of headphones two days
ago. For the past few months, I hadn’t
listened to any classical music while running or walking because my headphones
were practically broken and I couldn’t hear any of the nuances. Yesterday I took Hilde for a long walk and I
indulged in classical music “geekness”:
Inspiration: Jacqueline
Du Pre’s recording of Haydn C Major Cello Concerto: Mvt. III
Back in the 90s I used to get in trouble for listening to
music past my bedtime under the covers with my tape recorder. I would play back
all my favorite spots until I completely wore out the cassette. My sister and I
used to listen to the recording of Du Pre’s
performance of Haydn’s C Major
Cello Concerto. There is one moment in
the Coda of the last movement that is so exciting and awesome that we couldn’t
help but rewind and play over and over again in hopes that we could imitate it.
This recording is by no means in the style of Haydn and is
not faithful to performance practice, but it has more life, spirit, and conviction
than any recording I have ever heard.
It is easy for me to get wrapped
up in all the does and dont’s of
performance practice, but when it comes down to it, if performed with skill,
intelligence, love, conviction, and selflessness,
what can go wrong?
I clicked on the link and listened to Jacqueline Du Pre playing a movement of the Hayden Concerto. I can't imagine anything much more beautiful. She plays it almost as well as you do. :)
ReplyDeleteStay encouraged. Your Lafayette students will not forget the music you shared, or the love you showered upon them.
So very proud of you,
Mom